Couples Counseling

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couples counseling

When To Seek Counseling

The Hope of Counseling

The Myths of Counseling

The Goals of Counseling

According to research, the average couple waits six years before seeking professional help for marital problems.1  At Compassion Christian Counseling, we realize you may have been suffering for quite some time. Somehow, through life’s ups and downs, your relationship has gotten off track. You long for the spark that existed between you, the passion you once shared. You’ve grown apart. You feel distant. Right now it seems like you are less romantic partners, and more like roommates. You may have even told yourselves on countless occasions, “Things will get better on their own. We’ll just give it time.” Does any of this sound like your story? 

But things didn’t get better on their own, and now you’re facing a difficult reality: “we need help!”

When To Seek Couples Counseling

Here are some questions to ask yourself if you’re considering counseling:

  • Are you constantly bickering?
  • Do small complaints turn into big blowouts?
  • Have you grown emotionally distant and disconnected?
  • Do you feel that you’re no longer “in love” with your partner?
  • Are there trust and commitment issues?
  • Are you feeling misunderstood, unsupported and emotionally dismissed?
  • Has your sexual intimacy grown cold… or is non-existent?
  • Have one or both of you experienced an affair or an addiction?
  • Are there differences in parenting styles which lead to conflict?
  • Is there constant disagreement on finances?
  • Do things feel unfair in the household workload?
  • Is there unequal decision making?

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, then now may be the perfect time to begin couples counseling.


The Hope of Couples Counseling

Hope. Starts. Here. It’s not too late. Studies have shown that, for the vast majority of couples, counseling can facilitate positive, lasting changes in relationships.2 When I meet with you for the first time, I’ll begin by simply listening. Listening to where you’ve been, what your needs are right now, and what your dreams are for moving forward. We’ll collaborate in setting goals for your couples counseling, goals that are realistic and attainable. Then, I’ll introduce you to simple life principles from Scripture, principles which happen to be validated through scientific research. I’ll teach you how to incorporate these powerful truths back into your relationship, to help you reverse the negative cycles of pain and disappointment. Together, you’ll both learn how to utilize these new skills to build positive cycles of love, caring, affirmation and respect.

Is it really possible to re-discover the love and intimacy you thought were lost, and begin a new path towards wellness and joy? Many couples have proclaimed a resounding “yes”!

The Myths of Couples Counseling

But first, you and/or your partner may need to get passed some myths about counseling which may have kept you from seeking help before now. Some of these myths include: 

  • That seeking couples counseling is admitting you’ve failed; that there’s something inherently wrong with your relationship.
  • That the counselor may take your partner’s side, and see you as the cause of your relationship difficulties.
  • Convincing yourself that the real problem IS your partner, so they are the one who needs counseling. When they change, the relationship will automatically get better. 
  • That if you both were truly in love, then you would be happy. If love takes “work”, then it’s not really love to begin with.
  • That once you start counseling, you’ll be stuck in it forever, with no exit plan in

I’d like to take a moment to dispel these myths. First, no relationship is perfect, and all couples experience cycles of good times as well as not-so-good. Simply because you are experiencing a negative season in your relationship doesn’t mean your relationship is inherently doomed. And reaching out for help during the down cycles- especially when these begin to outnumber the good- is a sign of strength, not weakness. Reaching out for help means you place value in your relationship, and are willing to do all that is necessary to become healthy again. 

Second, as a pastoral counselor, I’m passionate about marriages, and will advocate for both of you, not just one individual. My role is to be impartial and empathetic with you as a couple. 

Third, As we progress through counseling, I’ll help both of you understand what each of your roles can be in contributing to your relationship becoming whole and restored once again.

Fourth, you’ll both discover that love itself exists in cycles. In fact, it’s neither normal nor healthy for couples to maintain the same emotional intensity all the time. This would cause your brain and body to overload, and is an unrealistic expectation. What you will learn is how to re-invigorate the natural cycle of love back into its vibrant phase by engaging in positive, deliberate actions and words which affirm each other’s response to love.

Finally, couples counseling is not intended to be open-ended. I like to tell my couples that my job as your counselor is to work myself out of a job. As you learn new relationship skills and successfully implement them, as you reach milestones in completing your counseling goals, you’ll finally arrive at the point where you will confidently tell me, “Dave, we’ve got this! We’ll take it from here”.

When do you reach that point? It’s entirely up to each of you and your level of commitment to the process. I’ve seen God work miracles in many relationships, but it’s most commonly the ones who are committed to the process of transformation, prayer and trusting God to bring true change in achieving their goals. Will it take some hard work? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely!

The Goals of Couples Counseling

The following are some possible goals you may want to set as a couple entering counseling:

  • Improve communication
  • Learn to resolve conflicts in a way that’s fair to both of you
  • Overcome adultery
  • Understand your partner better, and yourself
  • Achieve a more equitable workload at home
  • Reduce tension
  • Prevent separation or divorce
  • Learn to fight “fair” without destroying each other’s dignity
  • Create a culture of appreciation and validation in your home
  • Re-kindle your love for one another
  • Agree on how to raise the kids
  • Improve your intimacy

And certainly, there may be many other worthy goals you’d like to achieve. The thing is, you don’t have to suffer any longer. Contact us today to schedule an appointment, and take the first step on the path of reconciliation and transformation in your relationship through COMPASSION Christian Counseling.

COMPASSION. It’s not just our name… it’s our ministry!

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1 Gottman, J. M. (1994). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Hillsdale,
NK: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates
2 Lebow, J. L., Chambers, A. L., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. M. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal
of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145-168.

Your journey to becoming whole again starts today. Book an appointment, and see for yourself what COMPASSION Christian Counseling can do for you.

* Your initial consultation is free. Why wait?

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